Escipicse the space cat had a firm legal standing with precedent. She could not be tried by a jury of her peers, her lawyer argued, as there weren’t twelve other space cats within a reasonable distance.
The prosecutor, some local lizard, would not concede this point. Certainly, Escipicse could not be given carte blanche to all sorts of reprehensible behavior just because of her uniqueness. He was willing to offer a plea bargain of a lesser sentence, assuring the defense attorney that there was a strong chance of early parole and that after all this was over the space cat would definitely land on her feet.
Escipicse’s lawyer could not be moved. Such was his nature as one of the stone men of Abraxa-6.
And so, the court was at an impasse, and the judge called the counselors to his chambers. The judge was a being made entirely of electromagnetism who existed in nonlinear spacetime, and was annoyed at the nuance and methodical nature of legal matters in the Betelgeuse sector. He ordered the lizard and the rock to work out a deal, and locked them in the room.
The judge yelled through the door, “I can wait here all day if necessary. In fact, I am waiting here all day, and I have always been waiting here all day. Also, I’m sorry that your mother dies after she buys those expensive shoes.”
“Well, we’re going to be here awhile,” said the lizard. He opened the judge’s curtains wide and climbed atop his opposing counsel.
“Which of our mothers was he talking about?” asked the Stone Man.
“My mother abandoned me as an egg on the eternally moonlit shores of Cressida B.”
“My mother doesn’t have feet.”
“Oh. Probably mine then.”
Escipicse, still in her uncomfortable chair in the courtroom, grew annoyed at the delay. With her front paws, she batted at the chain that bound her hind legs together. It made a pleasant jingling noise. This image was captured by the courtroom artist, and immediately went viral on the space news. The virus presented as a series of sores similar to chicken pox, but completely dissimilar to space chicken pox. Space chickens were nasty things, 3 meters tall with razor sharp beaks. Pitting them in battle was the national sport of Cressida C, which is often called the Florida of Space.
After 12 hours of deliberations. Escipicse was granted time served with three years probation. She vowed never to attack another Yophyta as long as she lived. The Yophyta, of course, are a race of sentient ferns from Abraxa 3.
The judge agreed to these terms, had always agreed to these terms, but knew that Escipicse would be back in front of him in a month for rubbing up against the legs of an undercover space cop. Escipicse would eventually be serving 9 consecutive life sentences for eating the ambassadors from the Murinae sector.