Jeanna was scrolling through Instagram when her phone rang. Despite it being a blocked number, she answered the call.
“Have you been trying to contact me about my car’s extended warranty?” she asked. “Because I don’t have a car.”
“Listen,” the voice on the other end of the line said, “don’t hang up.”
Jeanna sighed, then said, “sure.”
“Somebody has hired me to kill you.”
“Who would do a thing like that?” she wondered aloud.
“I’m not sure. I’ve actually been sub-contracted by another hitman who didn’t want the job, and he was sub-contracted by another hitman above him.”
“So, it’s like a multi-level marketing system for assassination?”
“Not usually, but sometimes, I guess,” the voice explained.
“Well, thanks for giving me the heads up. When were you going to stop by and murder me?”
“I was kinda hoping that we could go halfsies, split the money, and you could fake your death.”
Jeanna thought about this for a moment. “Gosh, um, that seems like a big ask. How much money are we talking about?”
“$4000.”
“Is that my cut or what we’re sharing?”
“What we’re sharing.”
“Two grand ain’t a lot.”
“Think of it this way: if you’re dead, you don’t have to pay your student loans.”
“That is tempting. Hold on, I’m still curious as to who is the original person to want me dead.”
“I don’t know,” the voice admitted. “I was just told that there is a $500 bonus if you suffer.”
“Oh, that’s my ex.”