The bell rang signaling the end of the school day. The teacher asked Helen to stay behind for a moment.
“Is everything okay, Ms. Bunsen?”
“I want to talk to you about the assignment you turned in.”
“Oh, sure.”
“You were supposed to write three paragraphs about the dangers of unprotected sex,” the teacher said.
“Minimum of three paragraphs,” Helen corrected.
“Yes, well, what you turned in was a 60-page novella about an erotic encounter between a reporter and a wounded soldier.”
“It’s really more of a novelette length.”
“Be that as it may, this is a sophomore health class. In what situation do you think it’d be appropriate to say,” Ms. Bunsen started reading Helen’s paper, “’Julie’s nipples were harder than Mr. McDonald’s calculus final?’”
“It’s a quite difficult test.”
“While I appreciate that you seemed to learn a lot about the human reproductive system, I don’t think this assignment was the proper avenue to describe the graphic details of a man’s mutilated genitals.”
“Sgt. Archibald’s penis and testicles were very badly damaged by a roadside IED in Afghanistan.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“I was paying homage to ‘The Sun Also Rises.’”
“Okay.” Ms. Bunsen paused. “And I know that some institutes recommend condoms for oral sex, but I’m not sure that they mean for the man to put a condom on his tongue prior to cunnilingus.”
“Well, neither character was vaccinated for HPV.”
“I’ll pass you but can you bury this story?”
“It already has 3,000 downloads on Smashwords.”