Screen 1: Hey, thanks to everybody for joining. I wanted to touch base and see how everybody is holding up. It isn’t as though many of us are going to get a government bailout, n'est-ce pas?
Screen 2: Listen, now is not the time to be a mugger. Nobody is out, nobody lets you get within six feet of ‘em, and if, IF you manage to get close to somebody. . . well, they’re wearing pajama pants! I’m lucky if I can get a cell phone, and frankly, who wants to touch a cell phone in all of dis?
Screen 3: It’s a lot the same here. Nobody is out there to kidnap, and I’m not supposed to bring nobody back to the house. It’s rough stuff. I think I might hafta start kidnapping dogs.
Screen 4: Well it’s pretty much a buyer’s market for stealing cars. Nobody even notices when their car is missing. Gas is cheap. You don’t get caught in any traffic. I mean, our chop shop is full because nobody’s buying, so we’re gonna have a surplus of inventory for a long while.
Screen 4: Now is actually not that bad a time to be a bank robber. The banks are either closed all day and all night, or they’re open and there’s no crowds to deal with, so to speak. Plus, everybody is already wearing a mask, so that’s good.
Screen 5: Oh, I do white collar stuff. I’ve already gotten my government bailout money.