Her Werewolf's Tentacled Concubine
A hotel.
Three o’clock in the morning.
A phone rings at the front desk.
Hotel Clerk: Front desk. Kenneth speaking. How may I be of assistance to you?
Guest: Yeah, so I rented this movie Her Werewolf’s Tentacled Concubine off of the SpectraVision, and I want my money back.
Clerk: I’m sorry to hear this sir. Was this an accidental button push?
Guest: No.
Clerk: All right. What seems to be the problem then?
Guest: It’s false advertising, which is basically stealing.
Clerk: Okay, um, we’d be happy-
Guest: First off, the so-called werewolf was a Native American skin-walker who turned into a coyote, not a wolf at all. That’s ridiculous. Coyotes ain’t wolves.
Clerk: Okay.
Guest: You guys are out here trying to pass off yee naaldlooshii as a werewolf. That’s disrespectful.
Clerk: Well-
Guest: Second off, the so-called concubine was half-woman half-nautilus.
Clerk: Uh-huh.
Guest: Everybody knows that a nautilus doesn’t have tentacles; it’s got cirri which lack the flexibility and the sensitivity of a tentacle. Come on! What’s even the point then?
Clerk: Okay.
Guest: Then, and you won’t believe this: the were-wolf, well, were-coyote, was of a lower social caste than the nautilus-woman. This is a basic misunderstanding of the concubinary relationship. So, the jaguar would be the concubine in this concubinage, and who wants to watch that?
Clerk: Uh-huh.
Guest: Also, there was a scene where a black dude and a white dude kissed, and I don’t need that sort of perversion in my films.