I mean, I share the fun and excitement with you!
Anyways, this is a low-key, fantasy, all ages sort of story.
Check out Purple Apples and Olive
So the first 3 episodes are live. They don't really link to my author page and they are hard to find via google search, so here is where I make a bunch of links pointing to the story to help that algorithm along.
I mean, I share the fun and excitement with you! Anyways, this is a low-key, fantasy, all ages sort of story. Check out Purple Apples and Olive
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“There isn’t enough space,” Tom announced, confident that this was the truth.
“The car thinks that there is,” Andrea replied, sitting in the driver’s seat of the brand new sedan. “I’m going to get out and check,” Tom said, unbuckling his seatbelt. “You don’t need to.” Tom squeezed out of the passenger side door and walked back to better gauge the open parking spot. “I don’t think you can fit,” Tom argued. “The car does it all robotically!” Andrea responded, yelling through the car window. “You mean ‘automatically.’” “Just you watch.” Tom rolled his eyes and walked to the back of the space, preparing to direct the car’s robot parallel parking mechanism with a series of vague hand gestures. He waited. And waited. “The car won’t go!” Andrea yelled through the window. “That’s because there isn’t enough space!” “It’s because you are standing in the parking spot.” “So, now it’s my fault?” Andrea took a deep breath, counted to ten, put the car in drive and drove away. Tom stared in disbelief. “I can’t believe that dumb broad forgot I was back here.” The worst part about being a haunted doll is the children. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not one of those guys who hates kids. Most of the time, I’m cool with them.
But you know, it’s hard to keep up the illusion of being an inanimate object when some 2-year-old half-wit is drooling all over your buttons or throwing you on the ground to step on you just because his parents told him not to do that thing. Sometimes it gets lonely, too, I guess. I’m the only haunted doll in this entire collection of homunculi, even if there are plenty of other creepy ones. I used to animate some of them to feel less alone. But, I stopped. Really, isn’t that just externalizing talking to myself? What good is the effort? I suppose loneliness is the default state of all mankind. Who among us hasn’t felt like a Punch without a Judy? But most people aren’t a literal Mr. Punch. God, do kids even know who Mr. Punch is these days? Do adults? I’ve also gone years sitting on a shelf in an abandoned house, tortured by my immortality. What is it that thing that Sartre said? “I exist, that is all, and I find it nauseating.” So, yeah, being a haunted doll isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Mostly, on account of those dang kids. Hey all!
So the new book is available and starting to ship! I've seen a few posts now with people's hardcover copies (and also their thumbnails). It looks like it should be all good to go. I haven't deleted the stories from the blog, though they are cleaned up a bit and easier to navigate in book form. Plus, you can't buy your friend a web link for his birthday. Anyways, buy here. |
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