The word PLAY flashes on the upper corner of the blue screen on the glorious 17in tube TV. Tracking lines scroll across the image. A man appears in a beautifully plush SD living room. He is blond, wears large dark sunglasses, and is dressed in a charcoal blazer.
“So,” the man says placing his hands on his hips, “You’ve decided to become a contract killer. Congratulations on entering a world of unlimited growth potential. Over the next seventy minutes, we’ll go over some of the basics, including,” the man pauses there and a purple rectangle grows over the entire screen. Yellow letters in a 1980s computer typeface appear, identifying the topics as the man lists them.
“What murder methods work best for your body type?”
“Poison gas: Dos and Don’ts.”
“Is it sexist to not kill women?”
“Why sniping is a two man operation.”
“When is a child old enough to be a target?”
“Joining a guild: Which, if any, is right for you?”
And finally
“Finding that balance between marketing and becoming a ghost about whom only whispers exist.”
We cut back to the blond man who is now wearing an aviator jacket and leaning on a sports car. “And remember, if you like this video, check out some of the others in this series. Videos like,” He pauses again and the purple screen returns.
“Finding the mentor that is right for you!”
“Staffing your mission control!”
And finally
“My Shadow Organization Overlords want my Loved Ones DEAD! Help?”